that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
