is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
