I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
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I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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