This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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