So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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