i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
