I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
