OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
