I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
