Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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