she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
