dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
