I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I believe in your delicious
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
