Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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