nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
