I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
