I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You made out with two different species that night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
