Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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