Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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