I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
