I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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