I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ttyl tear gas
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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