Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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