so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
