Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so let's talk penis.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
