If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
