I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
