South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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