I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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