that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
