What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
