true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
