So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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