i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
