It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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