It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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