Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
