I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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