The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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