I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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