yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
