I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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