I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
