my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
