I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I supernannyed him into submission
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
