Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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