So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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