My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
