I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
