Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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