It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
