Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
