Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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