I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
