chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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