You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
