Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
