Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
