At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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