Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
