I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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