I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
