he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
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you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
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I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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