According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
