Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
