She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The struggles of a small town man whore
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
