All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
