Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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