I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
