So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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