Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
