Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
