I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think my mom watched the whole time
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
