one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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