...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How external is "for external use only"?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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