I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
