You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
