I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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