The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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