I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
